Nighttime routines and bedtime stories often result in a lot of negotiations and creativity in my house.

As my three-year-old daughter went through her bedtime stalling techniques – trips to the bathroom, one more hug and kiss, needing a drink of water – she requested a certain type of story.

“Tell me about a witch,” she asked me.

So, on the fly (pun intended), I told her the story of Aleafa, a small witch who lives in the tree in our backyard. And I told her, “they call her ‘Aleafa’ because she can fit on a leaf-a.”  

I know, I know – it’s not winning any awards any time soon. But for the next few weeks, Aleafa became part of a nightly routine.  

“Tell me about Aleafa!” she would say, her face faintly illuminated by a nightlight. And together, we would build a story. My daughter wanted Aleafa to run into scary animals each time – snakes, spiders, and the like – and each time that little witch brought out her wand to do her magical spell, we would come up with three different words or sounds she would say.  

“Bippidi, boppidi, pillow” was one my daughter came up with – which I'm sure had nothing to do with the fact that she was lying in bed with her head on a pillow.

The Mental Math of Fatherhood

Weeks have gone by, and eventually, the tales of Aleafa faded out. But I share that story because it’s easy to put aside moments like these or miss out on them all together when you’re a dad constantly keeping score.

We all do it in some way. We’re tracking things like:

• Am I making enough money?
• Am I spending enough time with my kids?
• Am I making sure I spend enough time with my partner?
• Is the house taken care of?
• How’s the yard?
• Am I doing as well as other dads?
• Am I happy?

And if you’re like me, you might give yourself a rating on each of these categories.  

“Money? We have what we need. I just paid the mortgage. We have a little leftover at the end of the month and in our savings. I’ll give it a B.”  

“Time with the kids? Well, I worked an event tonight, so I didn’t get much. That’s a D for today.”

“Am I doing as well as other dads? Well, my father-in-law is handy and I’m not. Each time he asks for a Phillips or flat-head screwdriver, I still have to ask if it’s the X one or the line one. And this guy I barely knew from college who has been my Facebook friend for 15 years just posted some pictures taking his kid to Disney World. That’s got me feeling a little ‘Goofy’ about our summer plans. I guess I’ll give myself a C.”

It can be a lot of pressure. As dads, we often shoulder the weight of the world, even if no one asked us to – because it’s the weight of our own world.  

We’re supposed to be strong. Protectors. Fearless. Providers.  

But we can also just be dads. Even Superman spent most of his time as Clark Kent.  

The Trick In It All

We know we have to be involved in things like finances, household chores, and schedule coordinating. But we can also be present for moments like lounging together on the couch, being outside on the swings, and, yes, telling stories at bedtime.

The trick isn't getting rid of the scoreboard. Most of the things on it matter. Providing for your family matters. Paying the bills matters. Keeping the house standing matters. Making time for your partner matters.

But sometimes the scoreboard can make us focus so much on what we're measuring that we miss what can't be measured.

There isn't a category for making your child laugh hard at a fart joke.

There isn't a category for carrying them back to bed after a bad dream.

There isn't a category for pushing them on the swings for the twentieth time, listening to them perform their very own concert to a Taylor Swift song, or helping a tiny witch named Aleafa escape from a spider with a magical spell that somehow involves a pillow.

Those moments don't fit neatly into a spreadsheet or scorecard. They don't come with a letter grade. You can't compare them to another dad's vacation photos, promotion, perfectly mowed lawn, or woodworking project.

Yet those are often the moments that matter most.

That’s one reason why this year’s Project LAUNCH campaign resonated with me as a dad. Project LAUNCH is focusing on the idea that “Some days you’re amazing. Some days you’re amazed you made it through. Both count.”

Whether you’re at your best, your worst, or just getting through the day, each day comes to an end. You can’t always control what has taken place during that day with others, but you can control how you show up when you have time with your children.

The Most Important Thing of All

Your kids aren’t watching the scoreboard.  

They’re watching you.

Learning from you.

They don’t need a dad who never makes mistakes. They don’t need a dad that is constantly chasing bigger and better.  

They need a dad who shows up, tries again, apologizes when necessary, and keeps loving them through both the good days and the hard ones (theirs and yours).  

And while they might not remember every bedtime story – sorry, Aleafa – the kind of ice cream they shared with you, or other details as you raise a young child, they will remember one thing for certain:

What it felt like to be with you.

And at bedtime, just as I’m about to leave her room, she sometimes grabs me tight and says, “Now you’re trapped forever!”

Each time she says it, I think that if I could, some version of me would gladly spend forever trapped here – just me and my little girl cuddled up together at bedtime telling stories about tiny witches and magical pillows.